It Sucks to be me! Avenue Q
by jippenjippen
Summary: Funny with all the human Character. RIP GARY COLEMAN


Maggie  
Morning, Brian!

Simmons  
Hi, Maggie.

Maggie  
How's life?

Simmons  
Disappointing!

Maggie  
what's the matter?

Simmons  
The catering company  
laid me off.

Maggie  
Oh, I'm sorry!

Simmons  
Me too! I mean, look at me!  
I'm ten years out of college, and I  
always thought -

Maggie  
What?

Simmons  
No, it sounds stupid.

Maggie  
Aww, come on!

Simmons  
When I was little  
I thought I would be...

Maggie  
What?

Simmons  
A big comedian  
on late night TV  
But now I'm thirty-two  
And as you can see  
I'm not

Maggie  
Nope!

Simmons  
Oh Well,  
It sucks to be me.

Maggie  
Nooo.

Simmons  
It sucks to be me.

Maggie  
No!

Simmons  
It sucks to be broke  
and unemployed  
and turning thirty-three.  
It sucks to be me.

Maggie  
Oh, you think your life sucks?

Simmons  
I think so.

Maggie  
Your problems aren't so bad!  
I'm kinda pretty  
And pretty damn smart.

Simmons  
You are.

Maggie  
Thanks!  
I like romantic things  
Like music and art.  
And as you know  
I have a gigantic heart  
So why don't I have  
A boyfriend?  
Fuck!  
It sucks to be me!

Simmons  
Me too.

Maggie  
It sucks to be me.

Simmons

It sucks to be me.  
It sucks to be Simmons...

Maggie  
And Maggie

Simmons  
To not have a job!

Maggie  
To not have a date!

BOTH  
It sucks to be me.

Simmons  
Hey, Will, Glen, can you  
settle something for us?  
Do you have a second?

Will

Ah, certainly.

Maggie  
Whose life sucks more?  
Simmons 's or mine?

Glen AND Will

Ours!

Will

We live together.

Glen  
We're as close  
As people can get.

Will

We've been the best  
of buddies...

Glen  
Ever since the  
Day we met.

Will

So he knows lots  
Of ways to make me  
Really upset.  
Oh, every day is  
An aggravation.

Glen  
Come on, that's  
an exaggeration!

Will  
You leave your  
clothes out.  
You put your feet  
On my chair.

Glen  
Oh yeah?  
You do such anal  
Things like ironing  
Your underwear.

Will

You make that very  
Small apartment  
We share a hell.

Glen  
So do you,  
That's why I'm in hell too!

Will  
It sucks to be me!

Glen  
No, it sucks to be me!

Maggie  
It sucks to be me!

Simmons  
It sucks to be me!

ALL  
Is there anybody here  
It doesn't suck to be?  
It sucks to be me!

Mikky  
Why you all so happy?

Glen

Becuase our lives suck!

Mikky  
Your lives suck?  
I hearing you correctly? Ha!  
I coming to this country  
For opportunities.  
But with hard work  
I earn two Master's Degrees  
In social work!  
And now I a therapist!  
But I have no clients  
And I have an  
Unemployed fiance'!  
And we have lots  
Of bills to pay!  
It suck to be me!  
It suck to be me!  
I say it  
Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-  
Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-  
Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-  
Suck!  
It suck to be me!

Sam  
Excuse me?

Simmons  
Hey there.

Sam  
Sorry to bother you, but I'm  
looking for a place to live.

Mikky  
Why you looking all  
the way out here?

Sam  
Well, I started at Avenue A,  
but so far everything is out  
of my price range. But this  
neighborhood looks a lot cheaper!  
Oh, and look - a "For Rent" sign!

Simmons  
You need to talk to  
the superintendent.  
Let me get him.

Sam  
Great, thanks!

Simmons  
Yo, Gary!

GARY COLEMAN  
I'm comin'! I'm comin'!

Sam  
Oh my God!  
It's Gary Coleman!

GARY COLEMAN  
Yes I am!  
I'm Gary Coleman  
From TV's  
Diff'rent Strokes  
I made a lotta money  
That got stolen  
By my folks!  
Now I'm broke and  
I'm the butt  
Of everyone's jokes,  
But I'm here -  
The Superintendent!  
On Avenue Q -

ALL  
It sucks to be you.

Maggie  
You win!

ALL  
It sucks to be you.

Simmons  
I feel better now!

GARY COLEMAN  
Try having people  
stopping you to ask you  
"What you talkin' 'bout, Willis?"  
It gets old.

ALL  
It sucks to be you  
On Avenue Q  
(Sucks to be me)  
On Avenue Q  
(Sucks to be you)  
On Avenue Q  
(Sucks to be us)  
But not when  
We're together.  
We're together  
Here on Avenue Q!  
We live on Avenue Q!  
Our friends do too!  
'Til our dreams  
Come true,  
We live on Avenue Q!

Sam  
This is real life!

ALL  
We live on Avenue Q!

Glen  
You're gonna love it!

ALL  
We live on Avenue Q!

GARY COLEMAN  
Here's your keys!

ALL  
Welcome to Avenue Q!


End file.
